Exploring the little things that makes an Effective Communicator, 1 take-off at a time (Part 2)

Some may be wondering why I decided to divide the post into 2 parts. Apart from the length, I felt that the learning points in Part 2 are something that I should, and can improve on.  These 2 skills are assertiveness and oral presentation skills (with special focus on overcoming nervousness). This post would also have a more personal touch as compared to the first post.

1.       Assertiveness

It is difficult to balance politeness and assertiveness. Many might go into aggressive mode while trying to pull the team along. Others become submissive if they try too hard to avoid conflicts. However, being aggressive easily warrants hostility, while submissive behaviour gives others the green light to trample over you. Hence, being assertive, where one is both polite and gets his or her view taken into consideration, can be done.

Personally, I am usually submissive due to my discomfort in voicing my own opinions to strangers. I can also be assertive when it comes to topics that I have a keen interest in. However, I still make the mistake of not voicing my feedback to group mates whom I feel need to put in more effort into the project. I usually prefer to ‘pick up the slack’ or redistribute the workload amongst the remaining diligent members of the team. From recent experiences and from this module, I learnt that this behaviour should not be encouraged. Instead, I should try to communicate with said member and find out why he or she is unable to do the work assigned. Is it because of laziness or apathy? Or could it be due to differences in working styles or schedules? Can a compromise be sought? I should try to voice out my opinions on the member’s lack of contribution in a polite manner. This can be eased by getting to know the teammate better. Thus, responsible and regular communication also plays a key role in bringing a consensus of how the team would work.

In addition, in the event when my opinions are disregarded, I should not feel ashamed of getting everyone’s attention back by politely asking for it. I never really knew about how to this until I took this module. Just by raising my voice enthusiastically, saying “good morning everyone” or by keeping silent is enough to revert attention back to me.

 

2.       Oral Presentation

I have learnt many things about oral presentation in this module, such as:

·        Crafting the same presentation to varying audiences would mean presenting different elements of the content

·        Preparation is key

·        To be taken seriously, one needs to look confident, enthusiastic and interested

However, I felt the most important takeaway is how to minimize nervousness. During earlier parts of the final oral presentation, I lacked pausing, made occasional involuntary nervous shakes and made unfocused glances to the audience. While my verbal communication was relatively unaffected, my non-verbal cues showed otherwise.  Later, I managed to get a firmer control of my speech, body language and spatial awareness. I was able to calmly, but persuasively, gain the attention of the audience without stressing about the next line. Looking back, nervousness is something that I could have taken away if I was more confident in showing a presentation that “is definitely worth the audience’s time/ interesting to the audience” rather than being overly mindful of what I say.  As long as I prepared for the presentation, I should not be too worried about missing a point or two.

It is probably difficult for me to apply  now, but I feel that by penning this down, I would at least, have a reference to tell me that ‘its ok’ and ‘go out and show them something exciting/ interesting’ instead of ‘go out and show them everything that you have prepared’. It makes a whole difference in boosting confidence levels when you go in with the mindset of a storyteller rather than a student presenting to a panel of scary superior beings.

Overall, ES2007S has provided me many valuable life lessons, some of which I still need to brush up on. I have however, learnt many ways of being a more effective communicator, and hope that in time to come, I can take-off and express my opinions assertively and present my research confidently to the crowds.

Exploring the little things that makes an Effective Communicator, 1 take-off at a time (Part 1)

While not a content-based module, ES2007S provided a skills-based curriculum that was as enriching the typical content-based modules one would take in their university career. ES2007S was a short learning experience covering various aspects of communication, allowing me to be introduced and exposed to many facets of communication, one step at a time.

Below is a summary of key takeaways in this module:

1.       Job Application Skills

Being Concise

No one would read a 5 page long resume or listen to you answer a simple interview question for 10 minutes. It is thus critical to condense all your know-how into a maximum 2 page resume, 1 page cover letter and answer straight to the point. This is linked to the next learning point.

Being Relevant with Personal Examples

How do you stand out from the countless job applicants? One good way of doing so is to show skills and experiences that are relevant to the job description. These are unique to you and depending on how much you can link it to what the company desires of their workers, would raise the chances of getting the job significantly

A Platform to be judged and a platform to learn

Interviews are indeed an avenue where potential employers evaluate you, but it is also an opportunity for you to learn more about the company you so passionately applied for. How is your potential employer like? What do the interview panel of mostly senior workers and managers value in their workers? How about questions that you are dying to know the answer to (except those on pay, insurance and health benefits, or even work hours)? Interviews are thus a place for you to learn as well.

 

 

Picture from: http://jazzpresentation.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/job-interview.jpg

 

2.       Communication

Confidence and being well-informed

Being confident in speaking up is sometimes correlated to how much you know about the subject. Many people face difficulties in starting and continuing a conversation as they may not know much about the topic, or are unable to link it to a topic that they are more familiar with. Hence, it is important to keep up-to-date with news, even reading a few topics in greater depth. It would not only enrich you, but also enrich your conversations.

From phrasing questions to being mindful of non-verbal cues

We may not be able to continue conversations for long or may not elicit positive responses due to our close-ended, harsh way of phrasing questions. One needs to be sensitive to possible taboo topics (such as religion and politics) and phrasing questions that require more than a “yes”, “no”, “its fine” answers from respondents.  For example, instead of “How’s your weekend?”, one could instead ask “What did you do over the weekend?”. This is applicable to a large range of communication forms, such as in conducting an interview, requesting a favour via email or during a simple conversation.

Tone, volume and even little things like emphasis and enunciation matter

If you do not sound like what you say, the chances of people taking you seriously decreases.

Think before you act, even under trying conditions

As difficult as this may sound, it really is pivotal to listen to the whole story and understand the matter from the other person’s perspective before replying. What you perceive may be vastly different from what the other person feels, especially when your judgement is distorted by negative thoughts and stress. Hence, to minimise conflict, one should try to first, calm him or herself down and know what can be negotiated and be aware of what his or her bottom line is. Next, try to emphasize with the other individual and compromise, or explain the situation to the person calmly and logically. If the situation gets too out of hand, it may be better to excuse oneself politely and arrange to continue the conversation when both parties have calmed down.

Regular Communication Channels and Being Open to Feedback is the backbone for teams

As mentioned in my previous post, communication is important to reach a consensus on goals, timelines and expectations. It is also essential to reduce misunderstandings and for team bonding. Member-to-member feedback is critical for continuous improvement of the team’s product. 

 

GIF from: http://www.dinamobomb.net/animations/animals/2.gif

Assertiveness and Oral Presentation skills would be covered in the next post. Do look out for it!

ES2007S Project – Reflections on the Teamwork Involved

Similar to what one would experience in the workplace, the project given in this module had a tight deadline and once-unfamiliar group members are expected to work together and deliver. Hence, this experience provided a few key lessons that could be valuable input when I eventually step into the working world.

The Good

The first characteristic that I cherished in my group was our ability to work independently on the tasks allocated. The team consisted of members from different faculties and ages, meaning that face-to-face meetings were difficult. Given the short span of time, tasks would have to be allocated to each member and everyone would need to have the responsibility to complete them before the agreed deadline. Although task allocation was an issue in the beginning, I was fortunate that every group member eventually worked with much efficiency and completed the tasks expected of them.

In the workplace, scheduling meetings would probably also be an issue as well and thus, every member would need to undertake the responsibility of carrying out his or her work independently within the agreed deadline. Hence, working independently and taking responsibility are key traits required in working well in teams, be it in the module or in the workplace.

In addition, I realized that even if the team members have to work independently, there is a need to be open to opinions and feedback. My group was rather slow in the beginning due to the need to change our project idea and the time we took to get to work. Thankfully, when this issue was brought up by one of us, the team took this as constructive feedback and improved our way of task assignment rather quickly.

The need for open feedback channels was also important when evaluating the product as a group. This not only keeps other group members up-to-date on one another’s progress, but also allows for standardization and improvement on the product based on the other members’ feedback. This becomes especially critical when the person is experiencing difficulties in handling his/her work, something which would commonly occur in the workplace. Hence, being open and responsive to feedback is essential in group work.

Some possible improvements

As mentioned earlier on, the group experienced difficulties in initiating work during the earlier weeks of the project commencement. I personally felt that this could be due to the lack of specificity in tasks assigned to each of us. While all of us were given a particular role, this may be too vague and even overwhelming for one to handle, especially under time constraints. Members may not be able to break the bigger task into smaller bits and work on these bits step-by-step, hence leading to delay. In addition, while the general deadlines and expectations were discussed in the first meeting, it was not followed closely as we soon disregarded the document. This may have also caused the delay in work progress.

Thus, it may have been better to have someone to keep track of deadlines and expectations closely and update everyone on the progress made. Tasks assigned should also be given in smaller bits and with agreed deadlines. Thus, the first meeting is very important in establishing the efficiency of the team, where specificity of roles and expectations must be clear and constantly reiterated to the team.

Lastly, teamwork would need open communication channels and honesty. Although each of us had to work independently, there is a need to update the rest of one’s progress and difficulties faced. As one would have many other assignments to do, it is natural for someone to have a period of time where he or she is less able to contribute to the project. This should however be communicated clearly with reasons to prevent possible misunderstandings and tension within the group.

Keeping feedback channels open at all stages is critical to allow every group member to understand the current progress of the group. It would also to enhance the spirit of teamwork by sharing one’s opinions, expertise and assistance to one another.  One room for improvement for my group was the lack of feedback channels of each other’s work during the earlier stages. While this may be difficult in the hectic workplace (where efficiency is valued), I feel that this is a critical element in understanding one another’s work ethics and thus, ease the transition in working as a team.

Overall, I feel that responsibility, honesty and openness-cum-responsiveness to feedback are important traits to have in team-based projects. Open communication channels and specificity in tasks allocated are key elements in increasing the efficiency of the team while allowing for understanding between team members.

Intercultural Differences – Its all about Compromising

Cultural customs vary between races, religion and even within countries and regions of the world. These differences can come in the form of behavioural norms, interaction styles and even one’s perceptions towards a topic (CARLA). For example, some countries may be more expressive, while others are more conservative. The lack of awareness and understanding of such differences may sometimes lead to misunderstandings (Messner, W. & Schafer, N, 2012). If not handled well, intercultural differences may result in discomfort or conflict between the receiver and sender.

I have learnt about this slightly during my first encounter with my aunt. One of my aunts has been living in Australia for many years after marrying an Australian. Apart from that, she has always been more open and enjoys social interactions. On the other hand, I do not like physical contact and tend to keep my opinions to myself, let alone with people I have just met. Yes, one could easily tell that this only means trouble.

GIF from: http://img.pandawhale.com/51166-Grumpy-Cat-gif-EVbr.gif

My Australian aunt decided to arrange for a lunch meeting with my whole family. Upon seeing us, she immediately proceeded to embrace each of us and peck us on the cheeks. While my family members took it quite well, I flinched, placing my hand forward in a bid to keep a safe distance from her. It was only a few moments later that I realized my mistake and tried to rectify it by shaking hands with her instead. It was only at the end of the lunch meeting that I went towards her and apologized for my behaviour, to which she accepted graciously and (unfortunately) gave me a ‘friendlier’ hug instead. Despite my reluctance, I accepted this strange parting gift from her to the best of my ability.

Picture from: http://i.qkme.me/35g1k7.jpg

However, I felt that I could have handled the situation better. I could have unintentionally signalled an expression of hostility during the first few moments when she attempted to greet me. If I had known earlier about her affectionate tendencies, I may have readied myself better and gave her a handshake, or accepted her embrace without that few moments of awkwardness. I was probably fortunate that my aunt was very forgiving and thus, did not take it to heart. She also understood enough to compromise on her usual behaviour by providing me a less intimate hug at the end. Obviously, she handled this short exchange much better than me.

Although it was a short and (maybe) funny exchange, this incident probably illustrates the need to compromise at times of intercultural differences between people. Usually, by knowing about one’s and another’s culture, he or she would be able to empathise with one another and seek a compromise between the two cultures. This compromise would reduce the discomfort experienced in either or both parties engaging in a conversation or an activity, and hopefully, prevent one from ending up like this:

GIF from: http://i.imgflip.com/19dtx.gif

But how much should one compromise on one’s beliefs and comfort zones? Should I have accepted the hug more graciously? Should an employee who abstains from drinking take a few shots just to mingle with his colleagues better? How much is too much and how little is too little? Please do share your opinions here.

References

Definition of Culture by Centre for Advanced Research on Language Acquisition (CARLA)

Elements of Inter cultural Competence from Wikipedia

Resolving Interpersonal Conflict with Emotional Intelligence

Interpersonal conflicts happen very frequently. Using an adapted example, I will attempt to use the lessons taught to analyse the possible reasons of the conflict and what could have been done to avoid the conflict. It would be revealed that apart from verbal communication, emotional intelligence* plays an important role in resolving and preventing interpersonal conflict.

Picture from: http://comerecommended.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/conflict_crop380w.jpg

The Scenario

Incoming manager A was having a short, light-hearted discussion about an upcoming project with her vice-manager, B. The leader of the organization, Boss, came passing by and overheard the conversation between the two. Boss decided to question A about these plans. The questioning later became too intense for A to handle and she eventually exploded, leading to a short but intense conflict with Boss. The conflict was only resolved a while later when A asked to be dismissed to allow herself to calm down and followed-up with another meeting with Boss. Who is at fault? What could have been changed to avoid a similar confrontation from happening?

Differences in Motivation and Emotional Frequencies can spark off a fight

Firstly, the conflict could have occurred due to the different motivations of A and Boss during the point of conversation. As an out-going leader, Boss wanted to ensure that her subordinates have the capacity to initiate new plans that improves the company’s branding. Thus, Boss was highly-motivated and wanted her subordinates to carry out these unfulfilled goals. In contrast, A only wished to map out the possible plans of the project with her vice-manager in brief due to their exhaustion from the last project. The discussion was supposed to be light-hearted and easy for both A and B to manage. This difference in motivation, complemented by Boss’ high persuasive energy and A’s emotional exhaustion, could have thus contributed to the start of the conflict.

Gif from: http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9g13qtV9r1rqfhi2o1_500.gif

Bad Verbal Communication can cause Misunderstandings and thus, Conflicts

Secondly, the communicative messages were probably misinterpreted at both ends. Boss used phrases such as “what is SO unique about YOUR project”, “YOU are NOT answering MY question” and “If YOU are unable to think of anything SPECIAL…”  The tone was assertive and forceful, while the stress and choice of words isolates and seemingly blames the incoming manager, even if that was not Boss’ intention.  Her ability to encode the message into a receivable format was lacking.  A was however, not blameless. The increasing level of agitation was obvious as A went from  “I feel that while not as unique, this current activity could provide..” to “Are YOU saying that we should NOT continue with this activity?”.  Her words became increasingly harsh and disregarding of her superior’s position in the workplace. This could have urged Boss to increase her assertive stance as a way to enforce her authority on A, only to heighten the tension throughout the conflict.

Self-awareness and Self-regulation of emotions play a critical role in resolving and preventing conflict, but Empathy is also required.

Boss is clearly aware of her own objectives to push her subordinates, which probably explains her assertiveness throughout the argument. However, while she could maintain her emotions well under A’s growing agitation, Boss was unable to regulate her message according to the changing emotional circumstance.  This was due to her inability to perceive the growing stress she has placed on A and also her inability to empathize with A’s exhaustion, thereby triggering a level of agitation from A.

In contrast, self-awareness and self-regulation of emotions was obviously lacking in A as she engaged with Boss. If she could have calmed herself and listened to the whole story, there would not have a conflict in the first place. A’s ability to empathize with her leader’s intentions became increasingly misguided by her negative emotions.

Picture from: http://www.anthonybasich.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Meditation-Serenity.jpg

Resolving the Conflict

Thankfully, A later proceeded to ask for a break as she became aware of her inability to control her emotions properly and needed time to calm herself down. This helped Boss realize the ineffectiveness of her communication skills and also allowed A to calm herself down. A eventually arranged to continue the discussion at a later date when both parties are more emotionally-stable to engage in an open discussion of the project’s future plans. Boss and A apologized to one another the day after the conflict.

In conclusion, both parties (as clearly illustrated in the example above) are responsible for triggering such conflicts. It is also through this example that one could realize how important it is to not only regulate your own emotions, but to also be sensitive to the emotions of the person you are speaking to. If the leader could detect the manger’s stress, she could have tried to adopt a soft approach in communicating her ideas. At the same time, if A could have assessed the leader’s intentions first before speaking, she would have been better able to regulate her own emotions to facilitate better communication between the two.

Picture from: http://www.jslawcenter.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Mediation-Dispute-Resolution.jpg

However, there will be times when the individual is in a bad mood and is thus less able to control his or her emotions. Under such circumstances, should there be an intense discussion like the one above, how would the person handle it, especially if the discussion is initiated by a superior or is unavoidable? Please do give your opinions here. 

*Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to understand one’s and perceive others’ emotions. By doing so, emotional intelligence also involves the control of one’s emotions to reinforce your messages under different circumstances, thereby allowing for effective communication.