Interpersonal conflicts happen very frequently. Using an adapted example, I will attempt to use the lessons taught to analyse the possible reasons of the conflict and what could have been done to avoid the conflict. It would be revealed that apart from verbal communication, emotional intelligence* plays an important role in resolving and preventing interpersonal conflict.
The Scenario
Incoming manager A was having a short, light-hearted discussion
about an upcoming project with her vice-manager, B. The leader of the
organization, Boss, came passing by and overheard the conversation between the
two. Boss decided to question A about these plans. The questioning later became
too intense for A to handle and she eventually exploded, leading to a short but
intense conflict with Boss. The conflict was only resolved a while later when A
asked to be dismissed to allow herself to calm down and followed-up with another
meeting with Boss. Who is at fault? What could have been changed to avoid a
similar confrontation from happening?
Differences in
Motivation and Emotional Frequencies can spark off a fight
Firstly, the conflict could have occurred due to the
different motivations of A and Boss during the point of conversation. As an out-going
leader, Boss wanted to ensure that her subordinates have the capacity to initiate
new plans that improves the company’s branding. Thus, Boss was highly-motivated
and wanted her subordinates to carry out these unfulfilled goals. In contrast, A
only wished to map out the possible plans of the project with her vice-manager
in brief due to their exhaustion from the last project. The discussion was
supposed to be light-hearted and easy for both A and B to manage. This
difference in motivation, complemented by Boss’ high persuasive energy and A’s
emotional exhaustion, could have thus contributed to the start of the conflict.
Bad Verbal Communication can cause Misunderstandings and thus, Conflicts
Secondly, the communicative messages were probably misinterpreted
at both ends. Boss used phrases such as “what is SO unique about YOUR project”,
“YOU are NOT answering MY question” and “If YOU are unable to think of anything
SPECIAL…” The tone was assertive and
forceful, while the stress and choice of words isolates and seemingly blames
the incoming manager, even if that was not Boss’ intention. Her ability to encode the message into a receivable
format was lacking. A was however, not
blameless. The increasing level of agitation was obvious as A went from “I feel that while not as unique, this current
activity could provide..” to “Are YOU saying that we should NOT continue with
this activity?”. Her words became
increasingly harsh and disregarding of her superior’s position in the
workplace. This could have urged Boss to increase her assertive stance as a way
to enforce her authority on A, only to heighten the tension throughout the
conflict.
Self-awareness and
Self-regulation of emotions play a critical role in resolving and preventing
conflict, but Empathy is also required.
Boss is clearly aware of her own objectives to push her subordinates,
which probably explains her assertiveness throughout the argument. However, while
she could maintain her emotions well under A’s growing agitation, Boss was unable
to regulate her message according to the changing emotional circumstance. This was due to her inability to perceive the
growing stress she has placed on A and also her inability to empathize with A’s
exhaustion, thereby triggering a level of agitation from A.
In contrast, self-awareness and self-regulation of emotions
was obviously lacking in A as she engaged with Boss. If she could have calmed
herself and listened to the whole story, there would not have a conflict in the
first place. A’s ability to empathize with her leader’s intentions became
increasingly misguided by her negative emotions.
Resolving the
Conflict
Thankfully, A later proceeded to ask for a break as she became
aware of her inability to control her emotions properly and needed time to calm
herself down. This helped Boss realize the ineffectiveness of her communication
skills and also allowed A to calm herself down. A eventually arranged to
continue the discussion at a later date when both parties are more
emotionally-stable to engage in an open discussion of the project’s future
plans. Boss and A apologized to one another the day after the conflict.
In conclusion, both parties (as clearly illustrated in the
example above) are responsible for triggering such conflicts. It is also
through this example that one could realize how important it is to not only
regulate your own emotions, but to also be sensitive to the emotions of the
person you are speaking to. If the leader could detect the manger’s stress, she
could have tried to adopt a soft approach in communicating her ideas. At the
same time, if A could have assessed the leader’s intentions first before
speaking, she would have been better able to regulate her own emotions to facilitate
better communication between the two.
Picture from: http://www.jslawcenter.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Mediation-Dispute-Resolution.jpg
However, there will be times when the individual is in a bad
mood and is thus less able to control his or her emotions. Under such
circumstances, should there be an intense discussion like the one above, how would the person handle it,
especially if the discussion is initiated by a superior or is unavoidable?
Please do give your opinions here.
*Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to
understand one’s and perceive others’ emotions. By doing so, emotional
intelligence also involves the control of one’s emotions to reinforce your messages
under different circumstances, thereby allowing for effective communication.
